Monteverde Friends Meeting

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Forgiveness — Seeds | Semillas — #18 January 2023

January 13, 2023 / / 0 Comments

Seeds is now also available in a PDF format that can be printed, saved, or shared. Click on the link above.

Our theme for this issue is something sorely needed but in short supply in our ever-more divided world: Forgiveness. The Seeds committee is grateful to the Quaker community of Monteverde for wrestling with this intensely personal, innately complicated, and, at times, painful subject. As in life, nothing rewarding or healing seems to come without struggle and surrender. Unforgiveness is one of those insidious things that can take root within us and, if not dealt with, become a part of us—a weight that becomes our duty to carry. In most cases, however, the person or thing we struggle to forgive is either no longer living or perhaps sailing through life oblivious or indifferent to our self-imposed crusade. Very often, we are the only ones affected by our struggle to forgive. Author Anne Lamott writes, “I really believe that earth is forgiveness school—I really believe that’s why they brought us here, and then left us without any owner’s manual. I think we’re here to learn forgiveness. …To forgive someone is the hardest work we do.”

In this issue, we are introduced to Katherine Leiton and Philip Adams, and Philip shares why we shouldn’t necessarily forgive and forget. Harriet Joslin and Kay Chornook each explore the process of moving through forgiveness—either by letting go or making amends. A poem by Hazel Guindon highlights the importance of forgiving and accepting yourself. Jennie Mollica shares the complicated feelings around forgiveness she experienced while living in Vietnam. Old Testament scholar Eric Ellison reflects on his Ph.D. studies about the biblical difference between forgivable and unforgivable sin. Finally, we also have an update from former Seeds committee member and Monteverde resident Tim Lietzke and his journey to discover communal living in the United States.

In coming issues, Seeds will begin to highlight the SPICES of Quaker life. These core values make up our living testimony. The acronym SPICES refers to: Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality, Stewardship/Sustainability. In May, our topic will be Simplicity. Send us your essays, poetry, artwork, photography, or interviews on the role of Simplicity in your life. Anyone, Quaker or not, may send submissions to the Seeds e-mail address: seedsmfm@gmail.com. Deadline for submissions is April 30.

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Introducing Katherine Leiton and Philip Adams

Hello! We are Katherine and Phil! We are so happy to be a part of this beautiful, loving, and supportive community of Monteverde! We are not exactly new to the community. Katherine is a member of the lovely Leiton family and was born and raised in Monteverde, learning from its people and nature for many years. Phil, being from Canada, has been a visitor here for several years but has made Monteverde home for the past two years. Even more significantly, we have decided to call Monteverde home together, as this is where we will grow our current family of two.

Of course, living here involves much more than the two of us, whether it is the deeply reliable and empowering group of Katherine’s relatives or the many friends we have made here who teach us what it means to contribute to and grow a community such as this. We are blessed beyond words to be surrounded by such trailblazers in the fields of community outreach, nature preservation, spirituality, and biological research. And so, with deep empathy and passion for animal rights and well-being, as well as the goal of bringing awareness to assisting the forest’s ability to thrive along with all the life it supports, we want to continue to do our part in sharing the beauty of Monteverde with visitors and locals alike. By continuing to do so, we hope to spark a passion in others for a love of nature and the protection of these treasured resources. Thank you, Monteverde community members, for making the world a better place and including us in this admirable aspiration!

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Forgive and Remember

By Philip Adams

Let’s talk about forgiveness—specifically self-forgiveness. And what a perfect time to do so. As a new year begins, perhaps there are thoughts and feelings we need to release in order to free ourselves to pursue our new resolutions. When I think about it, forgiveness seems to be a sort of superpower; it has the power to free us from our unjustified expectations of others. When we forgive others, we empower them to enter back into our lives as we remain open to developing stronger relationships and connections. Perhaps then, if we can apply that same power of forgiveness to ourselves, we can also grow in relation to our individuality and free ourselves to chase new horizons instead of being burdened by past regrets.

A common distinction comes to mind, that of forgiving and that of forgetting. “Forgive and forget,” where did this concept come from? Whatever its origin, reflecting on it now, I find great significance in it, especially in relation to self-forgiveness. Because although self-forgiveness can free us from the weight of regret, completely forgetting why regret or past preoccupations came up may leave us prone to repeating the very thoughts and actions that got us there in the first place.

And so, as I embark into this new year, I will attempt to exercise self-forgiveness, but I will avoid forgetting. Perhaps a better way of putting it: I will aim to maintain self-awareness. In theory, if I can alleviate my attachment to the anxieties of regret by forgiving myself while at the same time remembering the actions, moments, and decisions that made me feel that way, I may further empower myself with the wisdom to not only avoid similar pitfalls but also the ability to improve upon methods and reactions I may have taken that I have come to regret.

To close this thought rant of self-forgiveness, it seems the empowering nature of forgiveness, and in particular, self-forgiveness, may point us to the positive side of regret, which is the fact that it can give us the wisdom to grow without the restraint put on us by the anxiety of regret. So let us approach this brand-new year full of hope, liberated from the weight of what we may think has been holding us back through the past year, and be guided by the wisdom that we are a little bit more experienced to deal with the twists and turns life has to offer.

God bless and Godspeed in this Happy New Year.

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“Forgive and Forget? No. If you Forget, then there can be no real Forgiveness.”

unknown

Forgiveness, at Last

By Kay Chornook

In 1997, I was fired from a job that I loved—no warning, no explanation, the termination sent by letter in the post. I think dismissals were being handled this way in corporate settings, but this job was at a summer camp, a bush community I lived in and was part of for several years. The man who fired me was a close friend, coworker, and boss. The shock of it, the feeling of betrayal, and the pain it caused, bookended by the death of my parents in the same period, stayed with me for a very long time. I did not forget, and I could not forgive. Time dulled the sharpness and worked to erase the memory, though anytime the man’s name came up, I felt the harsh sting of bitterness that remained inside me.

Twenty-three years later, in 2020, I received another letter, this time by email, equally as surprising. It was a letter of apology from the person who had fired me. He began by saying he had heard I had sent him greetings through a mutual friend (which I hadn’t so there is some alchemy involved) and now he was taking the opportunity to do something he knew he should have done many years ago. He explained that he knew he was wrong to fire me, especially in that cold manner, had taken bad advice and realized very quickly that he had made a mistake but had not until now, reached out to me. In a conversation through emails, we didn’t pick over the details, largely forgotten over time, but we did reach a place of comfort. And I forgave him.

In the summer of 2022, this man passed away relatively quickly from pancreatic cancer. I had not had the chance to see him since his apology, largely due to Covid restrictions. What I did understand was how forgiving him affected my reaction to his death. I am quite sure that without the forgiveness, I would have expressed my sympathies to his family who I am still close to, with words that acknowledged their loss but not his value. But because of his act of kindness in apologizing to me, after all those years, and my response of forgiving, after years of carrying some seed of resentment, I felt true loss and lingered awhile in that murky pond of grief. As I read the many tributes to him, I was able to appreciate him, not resent him. I am so very thankful that forgiveness had come to me. It made all that came after much more loving.

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Letting Go

By Harriet Joslin

Forgiveness is a concept I have thought about from many perspectives over the years: childhood hurts, thoughtless words or deeds, personal betrayals, and working with clients deeply wounded by unspeakable acts. Relationships can be messy. We all are harmed in small ways, some are harmed in grave ways, and we all cause harm from time to time, either inadvertently or on purpose. That is part of living.

Popular “wisdom” says forgiveness is the path to personal growth, to becoming a better person. And yet, frequently the word is used to describe a one-way process, putting the task of pardoning on the victim* with no requirement of any reciprocal effort from the wrong-doer. That, in my mind, minimalizes the value of real forgiveness.

Sometimes for the victim to begin to forgive, they might need to confront the wrongdoer and tell them what they did and the harm it caused. This can be very difficult, and the person may need the love and support of others. Indeed, if the victim is deeply wounded it can require a lot of guidance, support, and a long, long time. When the wrongdoer truthfully acknowledges what they did and responds with humility and true repentance, both they and the victim can reconcile their differences and experience empathy, each for the other. It doesn’t mean the act is forgotten, or even that the two can resume a meaningful relationship, but the act can be put in the past so that both can move forward.

Acknowledging harm and admitting hurtful mistakes whether intentional or not, can take immense courage and painful self-examination, not to mention potential humiliation or consequences. When the wrong-doer does come forth with that humility and repentance and the victim cannot enter into the process of forgiving with them, then both can be damaged. But the work of true repentance and atonement is a whole other subject.

I think what is often meant by the word forgiveness is what I prefer to call “letting go,” which can be very freeing. Holding on to hurt, whether it is active or more on an unconscious level, can cause painful damage, often leading the victim to react with anger or revenge, damaging how they relate to others. Sometimes there is no opportunity or safe space for confronting the wrongdoer, so the true forgiveness I’ve described isn’t possible.

Letting go of harm allows the victim to put the act in the past, to recognize that it is over and no longer has power over them. Working through this process of letting go allows us to heal and learn to recognize situations that may put us in harm’s way. Hopefully, we become more aware of how we may harm others and perhaps even become inspired to work toward righting wrongs done to others. These steps can be personally, emotionally, and relationally liberating in so many ways.  

As I write, I cannot think of anyone or anything that I am holding on to with anger or malice and I am immensely grateful for being in that space.

*I use the word victim for lack of a better word, recognizing that often people who are harmed do not consider themselves to remain victims.

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“Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love.”

Fred rogers (mister rogers)

Forgive Myself

i close my eyes and whisper while embracing my heart.
i forgive myself. i choose to BE my first safe space.

i deeply love myself.
i own my past, present and future.
i choose to believe and honor my truth.

i then open my eyes and everything has become blissful.
i was forgiven, when there was nothing to forgive.

i then forgive, even when there is nothing to forgive.
i let go of the resentment that is no longer mine.

I stay with love

Hazel Guindon

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“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

oscar Wilde

Ancient Israelite Forgiveness

By Eric Ellison, Ph.D.

Tiffani and Eric Ellison with their daughters (l to r) Katia, Tabitha, and Abigail.

Forgiveness was important in ancient Israel. They believed God is fundamentally forgiving. They sang about it in their poetry: “For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you” (Psalm 86:5). They recorded in their narrative God’s self-description: “…keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin” (Exodus 34:7). And when we come to the priestly literature, we see forgiveness repeated frequently in relation to the sacrificial system at the sanctuary, in places like Leviticus 4:20, 26, 31, 35; 5:16, 18 and Numbers 15:25, 28. The disquieting part of each of these verses listed is that the sin to be forgiven is described in Hebrew as being committed shegagah, usually translated in English as “unintentionally” or “inadvertently.” In fact, Numbers 15:28 directly contrasts shegagah sins with high-handed sin, which is unforgivable. If high-handed sin is intentional sin, then the only thing that makes sin forgivable is if it is committed unintentionally. Who can claim to have never sinned intentionally? The Spanish por yerro (“by mistake”) is no better, for the honest among us will admit not every sin we are guilty of was a mistake. Some, at least, were planned. So, did the ancient Israelite sanctuary system allow for forgiveness only when people did not know the action was wrong or when they did not mean to do it?

The problem traces back to translation. As we can see in the verses cited above, a lot of the places where shegagah appears are in Leviticus 4. The sins described in this chapter are clearly inadvertent. It says the matter was hidden from the culprit and then it becomes known to him. (See Leviticus 4:13–14, 23, 28.) Clearly, these are cases in which someone did a wrong action but either did not realize it at the time or forgot it. A person can bring a sacrifice to the sanctuary and be forgiven only after the culprit realizes the action committed was wrong. Because of Leviticus 4, translators have used words like unintentional or por yerro to communicate this kind of inadvertent sin. Then they assume that any time shegagah appears, it must mean only unintentional sin.

This assumption is incorrect. The Hebrew Bible uses this same word elsewhere to mean “stray” or “wander.” Isaiah 28:7 uses this word to describe those who “stray” with wine and “wander with strong drink.” Proverbs 5:19–23 uses the word to describe a married man who wanders after another woman and his life spirals downward to his death. His epitaph in verse 23 is “in his great folly, he went astray.” Proverbs is counting on the reader not wanting such an inscription on his tombstone. It is clearly seen in Ezekiel 34:6: “My sheep strayed on all the mountains and over all the high hills.” It is not even the sheep’s fault. Ezekiel blames the bad leadership of the shepherds. Psalm 119:67 even shows that straying is not permanent: “Before I was afflicted, I strayed, now I keep your word.” Finally, in 1 Samuel 26:21, King Saul describes his murderous crusade to kill David: “Look, I was foolish and wandered greatly.” Shegagah is a good word to describe a king straying all over the nation after a fugitive for no good reason. This last example illustrates that such straying can be very intentional. Saul did not accidently or unintentionally try to murder David. Translators have seen these passages as referring to straying but argue that in priestly law the term means “inadvertent.” Is there a passage that can help us to define what shegagah means in Levitical literature?

There is just such a text in Numbers 15:22–31. It uses the word nine times describing sins that are forgivable through sacrifice and outlines what to do if the whole congregation sins shegagah. If they follow correct sacrificial procedure, the priest can make atonement and they receive forgiveness. Verses 27–31 explain what an individual sinner must do to receive forgiveness, but they are in the form of an either/or statement. The sinner either commits the misdeed shegagah or with a high hand (beyad ramah). High-handed sins are unforgivable; straying sins are forgivable. This is the definitive passage to help us understand what shegagah means in priestly law. Whatever sin is not done with a high hand is “straying” and thus forgivable. So, what is high-handed sin?

This phrase “high-handed” is used twice to describe how Israel went out of Egypt during the Exodus, in Exodus 14:8, and Numbers 33:3. Clearly, leaving Egypt, they were permanently breaking a relationship. When Jeroboam split ten tribes away from the house of David and formed the northern kingdom of Israel, separate from Judah in the south, 1 Kings 11:26–27 says twice that “he raised his hand against the king.” This is so clearly a case of rebellious defiance that most translations do not say “raised his hand” but translate the phrase as “rebelled.” The Hebrew word for rebellion appears at the end of the story in the summary: “So Israel has been in rebellion against the house of David to this day” (1 Kings 12:19). Everywhere the phrase “high-handed” appears in the Bible, it describes someone or some group showing defiant independence or rebellion. It always indicates a permanent break in relationship.

An either/or statement always includes 100 percent of the options. Something can be either wet or dry. Something could be merely damp, moist, waterlogged, or soaking wet, but none of them are dry. Only something totally dry is not at all wet. If “high-handed” means permanent rebellion and defiance then shegagah must mean any action that is not permanently defiant.

Now we should return to Leviticus 4. We mentioned that sinners might realize their guilt, but we overlooked that verses 23 and 28 also give the option that the sin is “made known” to the sinner. The ancient Greek translation of such situations says, “on the day he is convicted.” This suggests that sometimes sinners were reluctant or even belligerent about admitting they were wrong. Deuteronomy 17:8–20 describes the Hebrew courts. If someone wronged you, you should talk it out, one on one. If that fails, you can take them to the elders for judgment. If that still fails, you could go to the king, who, in consultation with the priests, would give a final ruling. We have all known stubborn or belligerent people who are slow to admit their own wrongs. The Levitical system was built to offer forgiveness even to the most uncooperative individuals. As long as they are still “straying,” they might be brought back to the path. Even after multiple people have failed to get through to them.

In ancient Israel, people were sometimes selfish, stubborn, and sinful, but as long as they had not become permanently defiant, there was hope for their forgiveness. It would be well for us to consider this kind of approach to wrongdoing. As long as people are straying from the goal but have not permanently given up, they may find their way back, or may be brought back by others—friends, leaders, or even courts. Forgiveness was available to anyone who was willing to stop straying from the path and sincerely wanted to return. How would our society function if we were equally willing to work with the stubborn and belligerent? Even when we plan to sin and it is not a mistake, forgiveness is available.

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“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

Lewis b. Smedes

An Invitation to Forgive

By Jennie Mollica

In 1994, when I was twenty-three and the war was that long past, I arrived in Vietnam as a volunteer English teacher. The department chair at the Hue Teacher Training College welcomed me and asked for classes in American Pronunciation, American Literature, and American Culture. He assumed my expertise in these topics, but I was doubtful. I had never taught a classroom of students. I thought:

            I’m sorry for having no training in teaching.

            Pardon my poor Vietnamese language and my funny clothes.

            Forgive me for the American War.

My students were nearly my age, born shortly after the Fall of Saigon. Thirsty for learning English, they dreamed of becoming teachers themselves, or of working in Ho Chi Minh City for an international company. America was where their uncles and cousins lived in big houses, drove cars, and visited Disneyland. The war hovered in the background like a phantom. It was the reason why Tran’s uncle lived in California, Bich’s father spent years in a re-education camp, and boiled cassava recalled a time when rice was scarce. While these tales surfaced around me, I was garnered with respect and gratitude for being an English teacher. Perhaps this was a new era, a new generation. Who was I to ask for forgiveness?

I took the train north during the school vacation, using my emerging Vietnamese to talk with anyone I met. In a small mountain town not far from Hanoi, I pulled up a tiny bench in front of a noodle vendor and asked for a bowl of hot soup. The woman stirred the pot she sat beside and poked at the fire below it. As she lifted noodles into a bowl with chopsticks and arranged fresh herbs on top, we smiled at each other and she asked where I was from.

“Nguoi my,” I said. American.

She ladled broth on my noodles and said, “Americans bombed my village and killed my family.”

Then she offered me the warm bowl, her glance gentle. My face must have looked pained when I accepted the soup.

“We can’t dwell on the past,” she said. “Better to let go of it.”

She asked why I was there. We talked until my meal was done—about travel, teaching English, learning Vietnamese, and then about her Buddhist faith, her soup business. Still thinking about what this woman had witnessed, I searched in the swirls of my noodles for whom to blame: a soldier in a plane, a general, a country, or myself? The invitation rising from the steaming broth was to forgive.

Back in Hue, I assigned my American Culture students a creative writing project: imagine an American family and tell me about their lives. We had been exploring our understanding of culture and the complexity of cultures in the United States. Many students chose to write about a Vietnamese-American family. They described people who traversed cultural mixing grounds and found a home. It seemed to me we were all floating in this complicated space, making peace with the messiness of it.

One warm spring day, I took a stack of essays to grade while sitting outdoors. I biked through the gates of the Citadel and parked at the edge of the Imperial Palace, where a scattering of crumbling walls sat apart from the better-maintained museum site. I chose a place to perch among the roofless ruins of a room. My head was in my pile of papers when a man walked into the quiet space and stood at its vacant center. He appeared to be a tourist, and I wondered how he had found this less-visited corner. I let him be in silence until his gaze met mine and, surprised to see me there, he said hello. Then a story poured from him, and I listened.

He was last in this room in 1968, but he had dreamed of it nearly every night since. He was tormented by the memories. Today he had returned to face them. He turned to the window in front of him and pointed to the bullet holes still visible below it, beside it, where he had crouched, where he had nearly lost his life, where he positioned his gun, where the soldier beside him had died, where the battle experience marked him and he could never forget the horror. The story rose out of him and settled in the still air of the ruined room. My eyes crept across the walls that surrounded us. The bullet scars were everywhere, reminders of that day. I wouldn’t have seen them myself.

The man stood, taking deep breaths, listening to the quiet. When he looked back at me, he said thank you.

He had needed to return here, and he had needed to tell his story. He had needed someone to listen, and without reason, I had been there.

On the weekends, I often joined a Buddhist group that delivered donated rice to families and temples in the countryside. We would gather in the early morning and make the rounds of houses around the city where for every bowl of rice boiled, one bowlful was scooped raw into a sack for others who had none.

We balanced the sacks of rice on our bicycles and bumped down dirt roads out of the city. We visited a blind man who had no family, only neighbors who stayed close and stocked his kitchen. They all came to greet us and invited us into the man’s tiny house for tea.

We pedaled many miles through stretches of rice fields to a tiny temple where a solitary monk prayed. He accepted our donations of rice and incense with loving smiles.

We visited—not once, but again and again until we were friends—a frail woman who had lost the use of her legs when her fragile home collapsed. She was now tended to by her devoted husband, who cooked for us the most delicious pumpkin pudding.

As we bicycled from house to house, weaving among the green rice fields, I was building the forgiveness I needed.

In 2006, Jennie returned to Hue
and to the home of the crippled woman and her devoted husband.

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Report from New London

By Tim Lietzke

It’s been nearly three months since I left Monteverde to begin a new life at the St. Francis House community in New London, Connecticut. The time has been full and fruitful for me in various ways, but for the community, whose principles are much in line with Quaker testimonies and Third Order Franciscans (Episcopalian and Ecumenical), it has been a difficult time fraught with making a defense against groundless litigation. One complaint has been dismissed and one remains for now. Nevertheless, I have been welcomed open-heartedly. At the same time, consideration is being given to long-term plans, especially in light of the fact that four of the eight of us, including one of the founders, are in our 70s.

We are a racially diverse community—four black and four white. There are two houses, St Francis House and Victory House. Presently there are seven of us living in St. Francis House and the hope is to turn Victory House into a conference center. The first floor of St. Francis House has a chapel, a small living room, a dining room, and two kitchens. The two floors above are bedrooms and bathrooms. I live on the second floor in the room next to Cal Robertson’s room. He suffers the mental and emotional harm caused by the Vietnam War. He also has diabetes and must use a walker and a portable wheelchair. His war experience turned him to peace activism, especially public witness, in which he has been engaged for decades. For much of that time, his witness was a daily event. His influence is widespread, both in New London and at the Groton submarine base across the river. Usually, in our vigils in front of the house and elsewhere, he is greeted warmly and by name. I am now one of those who prepare his meals and meds. And each morning I cook oatmeal for four of us, including Cal. He and I have become close and feel a deep mutual respect grounded in our commitments and witness. In future articles, I’ll try to say more about other members of the community.

Not only do we have meals together; but we also have daily communal prayer, a commitment to daily personal prayer or meditation and weekly attendance at some area church, weekly Bible studies and business meetings, and biweekly Clarification of Thought discussions that are open to the wider community. During the daily prayer, we have Scripture readings as well as a reading on the life and witness of some saint or person who has given their life for love, truth, peace, and justice. During prayer, we have time for sharing reflections on any of the readings. That has frequently opened new insights for me. Included in our prayers are the stated needs of one or another member for whom we pray during the coming week. Bible study follows the African method in which the passage is read three times using different translations. After the first reading, we each share a word or phrase that stands out for us. After the second and third readings, we share what the passage is saying to each of us personally and what we think it is saying to us as a community. During the Clarification of Thought meetings, a presenter offers background information and insights into a particular issue, such as “water use,” followed by an open discussion of the issue. This has all been an enriching experience both in giving and receiving.  I started a small Quaker worship meeting Sunday afternoons at the house and sometimes I go to the Spanish mass, a joyous celebration attended by some two or three hundred people, I think. There is a large Latino community in New London, mainly Puerto Rican, I have heard. I often hear Spanish spoken on the streets.

While my involvement so far has largely been in nurturing friendships and participating in activities within the community, I am also discerning where I feel led to offer my services in the extended community and beyond, in addition to the peace witnessing. Possibilities include working with the high school students in the FRESH community garden near me, serving on a committee connected to the City Council working on sustainability issues in New London, helping out at the 50-bed homeless shelter, and talking with neighbors and the poor I meet on the streets and directing them to the help they need. At this point, I’m inclined towards the FRESH garden and the sustainability committee.

While intentional community is hard work, it is worth the effort, both for my sake and the sake of others.

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Inspiration — Seeds | Semillas __ #14 November 2022

November 26, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Seeds is now also available in a PDF format that can be printed, saved, or shared. Click on the link above.

In this issue: Kris Fleming, now a member of our editorial team along with recently arrived Tom Cox, offers this issue’s biographical sketch of his and Marie’s journey into relationship and subsequently to the establishment of a home in Monteverde.

The authors of articles on this issue’s theme of “inspiration” discuss inspiration in the creative process and for making changes in their lives. All see the need for openness to being inspired as the sine qua non. We hope you find inspiration in what they have to say.

The next issue’s deadline is March 1 and will be on the theme of “rebirth, regeneration”. Please send submissions to the Seeds gmail address: seedsmfm@gmail.com. They can be short pieces or longer feature articles. They can take the form of essays, poetry, interviews, multi-author discussions, etc. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with the community of readers. 

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Our Journey to Monteverde

By Kris Flemming, with Marie-Caroline Vallée

Kris and Marie, and their future home

Since the first time I spoke to Marie, I had a thought: This could be something special.

It had been seven years since I had left my hometown of Toronto, Canada, on a quest for greater meaning and life purpose. Traveling and working my way through foreign lands provided me with the life lessons and tools I had set out to find and I felt the time had come to return home to reconnect with my family. One day before my flight home, a number of synchronized events allowed Marie and me to meet over apple pie in a café in Boudhannath, Nepal. A common friend had suggested that we should meet, and so, as we had both finished our respective retreats and found ourselves in the same neighborhood of Kathmandu, the stars aligned for our encounter. Twenty-four hours was all it took for both of us to realize that there was something deeper to discover between us. The following day, we said goodbye; I boarded a plane back to Canada and Marie began a ten-day, silent Vipassana retreat in the mountains.

After those ten days, when we spoke by telephone, it was clear that another meeting was in the works. Before long, Marie flew to meet me in Canada, and we have been on this journey together in search of community ever since. That was four years ago, when we made our first efforts to settle in Canada, choosing Montreal as a home in which to grow into being a couple. Taking our time, we explored the wildernesses of Quebec and northern Ontario, while also reaching into ourselves to discover what we sought for our future. As the cold winter subsided and our spring garden began to grow, it became clear that self-reliance in the production of pure, organic food was an important value to us both. We imagined a future in which we could grow our sustenance year-round, so we began investigating potential regions in the world where we would be able to do so in a free and supportive society.

Unsurprisingly, Costa Rica was mentioned to us on a few occasions and our investigations into the country led us to believe that it could be a good fit. The emphasis on conservation and reforestation inspired us, the idea of a country without a military gave the impression of an underlying peacefulness, and the ability to become a landowner with the same rights as a citizen encouraged us to visit. We made our decision wholeheartedly to seek something better for our future, and without haste, we began to sell most of our possessions and envision an exit strategy from city life. 

After a year of working in Montreal, we felt it was the right time to further develop in our practice of yoga and meditation in the sacred lands of Hindustan (India). Six months of travel throughout the country, visiting sacred temples and deepening our spiritual practice, allowed us to rule out India as a potential place to call home. Although enticing at times, the chaotic nature of the country left us wanting, so we made our way to Costa Rica in the early days of June 2019. 

Our one and only contact before arriving was established during our time in India. After participating in a Vipassana course, a teacher there provided us with the contact information of the designated Costa Rican Vipassana teachers. It wasn’t much to go on but it was enough to lead us to our new home. Upon arriving, we reached out to them and were put in touch with a family in the Zona Sur, where we stayed to help on their farm. For the first four months, we lived in the valley of San Gerardo de Rivas, near Pérez Zeledón. As much as we enjoyed the Zona Sur, there was something that didn’t quite fit. It was there we realized that what we sought was not just a place to grow our own food. We also longed for a supportive community that shared our spiritual values. Often, we felt alone and without a true direction in our search, and patience wasn’t always easy to find. We began to enlarge our search toward other parts of the country: the Pacific coast, Central Valley, and Caribbean coast, while doing our best to assist within the Vipassana community of Costa Rica. We had little to show for five months of searching and began to lose motivation. 

As our minds wandered toward the future, we began considering other countries, maybe Ecuador or perhaps Southern Europe. It was the end of October and the rainy season was making things complicated for us. As we dwelt on our next move, a meditator who lives in Monteverde invited us to visit. We arrived in Monteverde in the wettest month of the year and with little enthusiasm, but we made it.

Little by little, we felt the doors begin to open for us. Upon visiting the Meeting, we felt at home, warmly welcomed by the likes of Paul Smith, among others. Our friendship with Paul grew instantaneously over those initial months, and his willingness to share with us in any way possible was a true inspiration. Attending the weekly Sunday meeting showed us that at the core of the community lay a set of strong and honest values formed by a lifetime of community building. The Quaker values, we learned, were in harmony with our own, and so, we considered the possibility that we had found a potential place to call home.

We still had doubts, as the weather wasn’t ideal! But, overall, we had a good sense that we could be happy here. The simple yet dynamic nature of Monteverde surprised us with each step we took, from Rio Chante to the potlucks, from music nights at Guarumo to movie nights at Caburé, as well as the many other community-sharing events, Monteverde had a lot going for it. (It’ll all be back soon, let’s hope!) We naturally decided to let go of further searching and began integrating ourselves into this special town.

After a visit to Canada for Christmas, we returned knowing that Monteverde was for us. Soon afterward, we were offered a small but beautiful plot of land in the heart of the community. We were ready to make a commitment and so, in February 2020, one month before the pandemic struck, we purchased that land. The challenges have been ample in settling here over the past two years, but the strength of the Monteverde community and our sense of belonging has not allowed doubt to enter our minds as to our decision to settle here. Even throughout the difficult year that has been, a sense of inclusion continues to grow within us, and we are happy to have been invited to participate in this special place. Thank you to all who have made the Monteverde community a gem among gems. We are forevermore grateful!

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Inspiration through Brokenness

By Tom Cox

“Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.”

Neil Gaiman
Tom and Jean Cox celebrate their arrival in Costa Rica

One of the longest running television commercials in U.S. history was created to herald the benefits of hard work and dedication to one’s craft, but I believe it lasted so long because it struck a chord with America’s zombie-like addiction to a grueling routine that saps the soul and rarely delivers on the promises of reward and satisfaction that are supposed to accompany the American Dream. 

In the ad, Fred the Baker’s alarm clock rings in the early morning darkness. Immediately, Fred, played by sleepy-eyed character actor Michael Vale, opens his eyes and begins his droning mantra: “Time to make the donuts.” He continually repeats this monotone catch phrase as he gets ready for work in a trance-like state. As he leaves the house, he mumbles, “I bet the guys who make the supermarket donuts are still in bed.”

The ad ran from 1981 until Dunkin’ Donuts rebranded themselves in 1997. It highlighted why their product was so popular. But for many American viewers, I think it also captured the reality of their lives. For them, “time to make the donuts” was symptomatic of a life spent on a repetitive, mind-numbing hamster wheel of meaningless productivity for someone else’s profit. They felt seen.

Often over the past decade, my wife, Jean, and I have often talked, dreamed, and schemed of living abroad. Jean had been a Spanish teacher for fifteen years in the Chicago area before we relocated to Pittsburgh for my job as managing editor at a Christian publishing company. Our international travels, as well as our participation in a collaborative project with indigenous communities in Chiapas, Mexico, through the Presbyterian Church, stirred those desires even more. Then there was our dismay at America’s political strife as well as its love affair with gun culture. Our spirits felt stifled in our home country as it seemed we constantly settled for productivity instead of peace, materialistic gains instead of meaningful lives, insanity instead of inspiration. Still, for all our talk and dissatisfaction, I’m not sure we ever would have awakened from the safety of our “time to make the donuts” slumber had it not been for COVID.

The pandemic still had that new crisis smell when I was unceremoniously laid off in March 2020 after fifteen years on the job. I never saw it coming. This set off a quarterly wave of loss over the next year. Three months later, my 83-year-old father passed away from COVID. I helplessly watched from two thousand miles away as he went to the hospital with an infection, tested negative upon discharge, but then contracted the virus at a physical rehabilitation facility. In his weakened state, he faded quickly and was gone in a week. No funeral or family gathering was ever possible. It was like he just disappeared. Three months later, Jean’s mother passed, not from the virus but from the isolation of her Alzheimer’s facility. Three months after that, our beloved seventeen-year-old dog, Belle, passed away from…well…from being a seventeen-year-old dog.

I write this not to incite your pity. We were among the fortunate ones. So many had it so much worse. Our house was paid off, so we never forfeited on a mortgage. Jean still had a job with healthcare and was able to work from home. I was able to collect unemployment and scrounge some freelance editing work. We paid our bills. We never had to wait in food pantry lines. We didn’t have children who missed out on school, activities, and friends. And neither of us ever became sick—not even the sniffles.

If anything, the pandemic, and all the loss we suffered as a result, triggered a reboot of our human operating systems. We were now free. We were not going back to “making the donuts.” We were awakened, inspired to find a better way of living.

During the quarantine, we looked at many other countries in which to retire—Spain, Portugal, France, Panama, Mexico, Ecuador—but we centered on Costa Rica because the people there seemed to better embody the values of peace, health, sustainability, and egalitarianism we were pursuing. We settled on Monteverde for the biodiversity, the cooler temperatures, and the inspiring story of its Quaker founders. We were not Quakers but we had been practicing various forms of contemplative spirituality. After years of church programs and sermons, many of which I planned and worked to provide, we both discovered that we now find God much more in silence and in nature than in noise and the words of men. Plus, my aunt is a long-time Quaker and one of our favorite people on the planet.

We have been in Monteverde for four months now. I won’t say that life here hasn’t required some adjustment to a new normal. Of course it has. But each day we are discovering continuous sources of inspiration in the now—the incarnate moment. A butterfly on a flower. The peculiar sound of a bird. A conversation with a new acquaintance. We are endlessly inspired by those who have endured here for decades as well as by fellow newbies who have been drawn here by their examples and who strive to live out their values. But I must say, I’m not confident we ever would have followed through on the inspiration to quit our lives and seek a better way of living had the pandemic and all that loss not occurred.

I am no longer one to animate God into human form as someone who plans life events for the purpose of getting us to do something. I believe you will find God no matter where you go or what you do. And, obviously, one is not required to move halfway around the world to awaken to new inspiration. But I also know that waking up often requires a good shaking. The mystics refer to it as “order, disorder, reorder.” Religion calls it “life, death, resurrection.” I believe the pandemic provided the push that propelled us out of our ordered nest, launched us into chaos, and inspired us to discover flight. For us, that meant Monteverde.

Inspiration is found in many forms. It often comes from people we look up to or from a skill we desire to master because it fuels our passions. For us, inspiration happened to come from sorrow and brokenness. I highly recommend the former rather than the latter, but if you find yourself walking that painful, lonely road, I urge you not to look for quick fixes or shortcuts leading to a less painful path. Walk it out. Allow it the time to teach and to lead you. Allow it even to inspire you to awaken to a new way of living. It is too early for me to speculate about what this move will mean for our lives, but I feel confident that we have listened to God in our grieving and have positioned ourselves in the right place at the right time for inspiration to do its healing and restorative work in our new, day-to-day lives. We are so grateful you have welcomed us into your community, and we wait with eager anticipation to see how it all plays out. Pura vida.

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Creativity and Inspiration

By Judy Witt

“Where do you get your ideas?” is a question I often heard at art fairs where I sold my pottery. The easy answer was, “They just come to me!” Truth be told, that is often the case. But the bigger questions are: “What is inspiration?” and “How do
we find it, or does it find us?”

It’s hard to examine this because when you are inspired to create, you just want to get on with it and, in my case, make something, not reflect on it. Ideas come to me, but often not easily. So, what do I do when I’m looking for an idea? Play. Play with materials. Play with color. Play with words. Play is really at the center of creativity. In order to play, one must let go of preconceived ideas, prejudices, and perceived results. One must be ready to fail, and then try again. Another path, who knows where it will lead?

Many times, an idea I’ve had starts out one way and ends up totally different because I drift along with it, without trying to push it into being. Sometimes I let my hands do the thinking, which always gets better results than overthinking an idea in my head.

How does this sort of inspiration apply to the rest of life, the life of the Spirit? In many ways, the creative life is Spirit-led. By crafting an object carefully, lovingly, and skillfully, the object—whether it is a porcelain cup, a pie, or a painting—is imbued with the spirit of its creator.

The same can be said for a care-filled, loving, and skillfully rendered conversation with friends. In the same way that play can invite more inspiration, heartfelt discussion can arouse more inspiration, especially when it is combined with deep
listening and seeing. Sometimes inspiration comes from other’s work, stimulating new thoughts and ways to approach a dilemma, be it a design problem or an interpersonal issue.

Finding what inspires is extremely personal and may take a lifetime of exploration. A dear friend exclaimed that after spending a lifetime in a city, “Who knew I was a country girl?” How fortunate are those who, early in life, discovered the forest, the sea, and open spaces as their cleansing ground for inspiration.

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Judy Witt’s pottery

The Space Within: An Interview with John Badminton

By Tom Cox

If necessity is the mother of invention, then perhaps inspiration can be considered its eclectic uncle. For John Badminton, building certainly began as necessity, a practical enterprise for producing income.

“It was never really a career move or anything like that. I never really wanted to be a builder, as such. It was practical. A lot of artists back in the States often worked in building or painting. It was always a way to make money. That was part of what got me into it. I needed to make money at that point. I learned a lot from other people. It was a practical skill, a useable skill.”

These days, most people in Monteverde know John as the founder and part-owner of Whole Foods. They might be surprised to learn that he has built six homes in Costa Rica, three almost entirely by himself.

“My main sort of professional career for many years was as a photographer. I had learned building when I was young. It always seemed to me as something that was very logical. It seemed like something anyone could learn to do. When I first went to the United States from Britain, I worked with friends there who were into modern architecture. I worked with them for a few years there—three or four.”

John and his then-wife Kim came to Costa Rica in 1991.

“We had been living on a sailboat before. We started in San Francisco and went to San Diego and Mexico and all over. That was good, but it was a bit purposeless. We weren’t good enough or brave enough to really go for it and sail around the world. We worked in the States for a couple of years just to make money. But we didn’t want to stay in the States, so we started looking for somewhere else to go. We came here first because people were saying good things about Costa Rica in the 1980s. The plan was to come here and then move on, maybe Thailand or wherever. But we ended up staying, which was a good choice.”

They first settled in Arenal, where the first house John built was a shack in which to live and then an art gallery as their business. Building seemed to be the necessary way to get started in Costa Rica at that time.

“There wasn’t much here then. It wasn’t like you could buy your way in; you had to create whatever you were going to do—a cabina at the beach or a shop or a house or whatever. So, I found myself back in building. I pretty much knew how to do it, but I had never built entire structures before. I had built most parts of structures, most systems in a structure, but I hadn’t done the whole thing by myself.”

Nine years later, in 2000, they sold their Arenal home and business and moved to Monteverde for a better community in which to raise their newborn daughter, Elan.

“Interesting things were going on here. The people in Monteverde seemed engaged in business and activity and schools and everything. In Arenal, it was all a bit adrift. It was a displaced village because when they expanded the lake, they flooded the original village. They shattered the core culture of the elders. I found Monteverde much more eclectic. The Ticos and expats seemed to get along very well. I didn’t see a lot of conflict. They had good schools, and because of that, there were other people with kids here, whereas Arenal was developing much more into a retirement crowd.”

Although John works with local architects in order to get the necessary approvals and building permits, he designs them all himself.

“I’m not an architect but I do design the whole house. I draw them for me, and I work on them a lot until I have a very clear threedimensional feel of the whole thing in my head. It’s all there, how the electric works and everything. It must get to that point. Then I have the architect draw up the plans based on my vision. It’s an aesthetic. My process of building is not pre-fixed by someone else’s plan. It’s
not like I’m a contractor fulfilling an architect’s dream. It’s me working out the image as I go along. I’m looking to see if I feel good about it, about the dimensions or the resonance or the solidity—whatever it is about the space.”

Many builders are attracted to the look of a place—the lines and angles and style. For John, the inspiration to build is found more in the feel of the place. You almost get a spiritual vibe from John when he talks about building, although he stops short of calling it a spiritual process.

“I think it is more emotional than spiritual. I see things and then I get an emotional response to it—I like it or I don’t like it. Different things affect different people. Light can be very important to some. I like light too, but resonance is my thing. If you go into a cathedral or into a prefabricated aluminum house, the resonance between the two structures, how they feel, is different. I don’t like metal structures much. They have a high frequency resonance in their vibe. I work very much on that feeling of resonance, that solidity in certain areas. That’s what interests me a lot when I walk into a building, just the feeling of the space—the shape, the size, whatever it is.”

The legendary architect Frank Lloyd Wright once said, “The space within becomes the reality of the building.” Although Wright did not speak much of those who influenced him, it is believed he may have taken this from the ancient Chinese writer and philosopher Lao Tzu, who wrote, “Mold clay into a vessel; it is the emptiness within that creates the usefulness of the vessel. …What we have may be
something useful, but its usefulness lies in the unoccupied space.”

John couldn’t agree more:

“The satisfaction I get out of building, besides completing a task, is thinking about the other people who are going to live in the house. I’m creating what is going to be somebody else’s home, lots of other people will be living in it over the next fifty or sixty years. I really like to think about that when I’m building it. Most of the buildings are not for me. They end up being sold in the end, one way or another. So, I think about who is going to be living in it and hoping that I make it a nice place and that they feel good there. It’s tremendously satisfying to think, long after I’m gone, that some anonymous stranger may really love that house in Monteverde.”

John believes the home he is building for Elan may be his last.

“I think, physically, it has to be. I hope so. It’s getting harder and harder, It’s quite a heavy, physical job. It’s a big job; a long job. It’s like a huge Lego. First, you imagine it, and then you have to go block by block, detail by detail. I do other things too. I like gardening. I’m happy to garden. I still play with imagery, like photography. I still have some of the old equipment. My eyes aren’t so good anymore though and doing the whole thing with glasses is different.”

John may not believe that his passion for building is necessarily a spiritual endeavor, but it is hard to not to hear those vibes as he reflects on the path he continues to walk:

“I’ve gotten to the point where I try to get past the point of finishing and just enjoy the journey. That sounds like a classic cliché but it’s true in many ways. I think I should be enjoying it. It’s like Whole Foods, where our mission statement is ‘Have fun.’ Enjoy doing this. You shouldn’t just do it for some end-goal. You should enjoy the process. It’s the same way in my building. I should be enjoying this. You shouldn’t just do it for ending a task. I think many of us were brought up only thinking about that end goal—‘Keep going. Almost there. I’m almost there.’ It’s like suffering misery. Then, hopefully, you somehow get there, wherever there is. But the thing is, you should be enjoying yourself all the time if you possibly can.”

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Gems of Inspiration

By Lucky and Helena Guindon

[EDITOR: The following is taken from a conversation between Helena and Lucky Guindon. They both feel that denoting who said what is not as important as the ideas that were shared. Thus, we get the privilege of being a fly on the wall to listen in on their wisdom.]

Inspiration is what I often feel when I wake up to a beautiful new day. Here it is—a gift! Songs speak of this fresh beginning: “This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

“God has created a new day, silver and green and gold. Grant that the sunset may find us, worthy His gifts to hold.”

I’ve heard the saying “Inspiration strikes!” The idea that inspiration comes first and then one takes action doesn’t happen to me. I make the move and get started in a rather ordinary, mundane way. No drama. Only then will inspiration visit me. Then it seems sudden.

Inspiration is an idea that doesn’t knock but pops in to surprise me. It brings extra energy that gets me going. Inspiration seems to be a positive energy. This unexpected visitor can come as a picture, showing me what it looks like, or it can come as words, ones I hear in my mind or something others have said. Sometimes it is simply action. Inspiration can come as a bump that changes my routine, like an unexpected trip or even an accident. Any mistake can open me to change and inspiration.

No matter how it comes, by the time I’ve laid eyes on it, the idea is in the door and demands action. Things must shift. This new idea says, “Hey, make way for me!” I start hearing beeps. By now, I’m chiding, “Wait! Where did you come from? How did you get into my room?” Did a recent event startle me? Did something someone else showed me send the spark? Maybe my inner ear was listening more carefully just now. It’s likely I was rested, not too busy nor upset and distracted by negative thoughts. For certain, my mind was yawning open, ready to take in new information. Whatever. Now, the idea is in and now I’ve got to do something. I’ve got to do the best I can, remaining as close as possible to what I know as right, taking just one step toward that vision. I never know what will happen, but I have to trust and I have to try

There is one guarantee: once I start, other ideas will come into play. Whether mine or those of other people, these ideas help it to take shape.

I think there’s a saying: “the more you give, the more you are given.” But it doesn’t specify what! At least by doing something concrete I’m inviting the next step. Careful plans prove useful up to a point. I try to balance calculating materials and gathering tools with staying open to new opportunities and making needed changes. Both the left and right sides of the brain must cooperate here.

Inspiration being a positive force, if I want to feel inspired, I can purposely look for things I like around me. I can even put them there—a vase of flowers or a favorite photograph. A good thought or saying can be written and placed where it is often seen.

There are a lot of possible ways to encourage an upswing in attitude. Do something you love, like playing a game, running or dancing, or even physical work that leaves one happy. Being out in nature, even if I get wet, can help me become more aware in all my senses. I like listening to happy music, rain on the roof, wind in the trees, or crickets at night. Watching or interacting with children can encourage me. Children are inspiration! They see things as new, without the blinders of habit.

Whatever helps me to let go of irritation, to see the humor in a situation, to remain light enough to smile and enjoy a good joke—all make fertile soil for inspiration.

Another ingredient is sharing. I guess because we are social it frees something inside of us when we give. Whether it is an object, food, a good book, or simply words, the act of sharing perks the soul. Corrie Ten Boom [the Dutch writer who was arrested by the Nazis for hiding Jewish people in her home during World War II] tells of being in prison and finding solace by sharing crumbs from her meager rations with an ant. Sharing can be as simple as recounting a memory, a funny story, or an odd-ball dream; or as serious as giving a message in Meeting for worship. It’s scary how far our words can carry. I remember messages others gave in Meeting ages ago. People have told me how something I said impacted them, even though I have completely forgotten what it was I said.

When listening for inspiration, I can’t be picky. I must be ready to receive anything anyone shares, keeping the part of it that speaks to me.

Curiosity leads me into an exploring mode that often uncovers surprises. Whether I like what I discover or not, it can loosen my doors, and before I know it—Boo!—inspiration is looking me in the face.

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